By Jamie Ewing
July, 2013
1. Short horses. Have you ever seen a Mongolian horse? I haven’t either, at least one that wasn’t on Google images. They are short.
2. Yaks. It’s a funny name isn’t it? Some people call them furry cattle. Some people use the word as a verb. I don’t care how you use it, but try saying it without at least a hint of a smile. Ever had a yak milk cappuccino? That will wipe the smile off your face
3. Tigers. I don’t know if tigers live in Mongolia or not, but it seems like the type of place they would like, and tigers are awesome. Period. (Upon further research I discovered that the Siberian tiger used to live in Mongolia but they all got poached to be ground up in Chinese medicine for their magic. Personally, I like my tiger-magic diced, but then again, I’m not Chinese.)
4. Genghis Kahn. He was a bad mamby jamby. I read once that he punched his way out of the womb. Ok, I didn’t really read that, but it could be true. You don’t know.
5. Camels. Are you a one-hump or two-hump camel kind of person? What’s that you say? One hump? Stop reading this and leave right now. That’s right. Go away. One hump? What were you thinking?
6. Zuds. Ever survived a Zud? Mongolians can. During these winter storms, it can get really cold. The lowest temperature ever was -68°F (that’s -55°C for most of the world). Zuds are pretty catastrophic for livestock, and the nomads that tend them, but those bad ass Mongolians have been surviving them for centuries.
7. Snow Leopards. The second largest population of snow leopards in the world lives in Mongolia. Did you also know that snow leopards — or as I like to call them, Mountain Ghosts – can’t roar. Do you know what that means? Silent death. That’s what.
8. Camels again. One hump? I still can’t get over that. If you had seen the “Weeping Camel” you would know that Bactrian camels in Mongolia can cry. Why is he crying? Because of your one hump answer.
9. Gerbils. Gerbils are wild in Mongolia. Crazy isn’t it? Mongolian gerbils can jump incredibly high. How high you ask? Upon Googling that question I discovered that they can jump up a kid from Ohio’s stairs. Personally I think that kid should be stripped of all gerbil privileges for wasting his gerbil’s super powers on something as lame as his stairs. What would you do if you were on the vast plains of Mongolia and a huge herd of wild Mongolian gerbils began jumping your way? I’d pray for a snow leopard. That’s what I’d do.
10. The Great Wall. So the Great Wall of China wasn’t actually built by the Mongolians, but it was used to keep out Mongolians, snow leopards, wild gerbils, yaks, weeping camels and tigers…but not that bad ass Genghis Khan…or his short horse.