June 5, 2013
by Robin Ewing
As I prepare to leave for London — by way of New Orleans, Texas, Sweden and Germany — and then on to Mongolia, I have been getting all kinds of great advice.
One kind person sent me an email list of equipment I might need, including jerry cans, bribes for border guards, a flashlight, nylon rope for towing, a compass and napkins. I’ve been told that if I spend money on only one thing, it should be a sleeping bag. Or a tent. Or suture needles in case I need to stitch myself up. Apparently, pepper spray doesn’t work on Siberian bears. I should take protein packets for the road, perhaps for the energy to fight off the bears. I must have a coffee press. And I need to watch out for the Mongolians who hide in manholes in Ulaanbaatar and jump out and hit you over the head with pipes.
I’ve also been warned about the Mongolian death worm, a 5-foot long red worm that is believed to live in the Gobi desert and squirt both acid and electricity at its victims. No one has ever seen one of these worms (except a very old woman named Chimgee) but many have gone searching. Even National Geographic’s beast hunter Pat Spain went looking for one. Here is an interpretation of the worm I found on Wikipedi and painted by a Belgian. Why does it look like a wilted carrot (or as my brother says, a prolapsed rectum)? I don’t know. Ask the Belgians.
Others are more concerned about my outfits. My friend Charles sent me this photo of RuPaul as inspiration. Another friend is worried I won’t have a headscarf when I need it. I don’t think a headscarf is much protection against pipe beatings. But this helmet might be.
But it wasn’t until I had lunch with my friend Martin, who drove in the rally last year, that I started to get a massive case of pre-trip FOMO.
For those of you who don’t know, FOMO is the Fear Of Missing Out, the feeling that something amazing is happening somewhere else or will happen after you leave. Most researchers apply FOMO in an online social setting, the feeling that you can’t stay in and watch a movie on a Friday night without stressing that your friends are out doing something cooler, which is exacerbated by Facebook. (Apparently, people with high levels of FOMO are on Facebook more than the average person and are more prone to distracted driving. This is actually a research topic.)
I’m having FOMO over a road trip. What if I drive within 5 minutes of some incredible ancient ruin that everyone else knows about and I don’t? Or miss some once-in-a-decade festival by a day because I didn’t do enough research? What if I unknowingly picnic on the spot of an infamous Mongol-Tatar battleground? Is there a majestic ancient city along the border of the former country of Baluchistan that I will cry over when I get home because I was so close and didn’t even know? So I’ve been doing a lot of reading. I went to the library and got the Great Game and all the other literature in the Great Game genre. I’m reading Marco Polo’s book. I’m learning about the daughters of Genghis Khan (whose real name is Temujin). I’ve bookmarked the UNESCO world heritage list. And I’ve scoured the Internet for interesting stories. So far I’ve discovered:
1. Azerbaijan crude-oil baths. The Naftalan Clinic swears the baths aren’t carcinogenic, but it limits your time in them just in case.
(photo from the Naftalan Clinic site)
2. The world’s oldest person, Antisa Khvichav, died at 132 in Georgia. last year She said she drank a shot of locally-made vodka every morning for breakfast. I will toast her when I pass the village of Sancho where her 12 grandchildren and 18 great grandchildren live. Here are some photos of her 130th birthday party on the International Business Times website.
3. A 700-year-old skeleton was found with a metal stake in its heart in Bulgaria. It is thought to be a vampire. So many tourists were flocking to see the vampire skeleton in the Black Sea town of Sozopol that the Bulgarian government moved it to the Natural History museum in Sofia for safekeeping. Here’s an LA Times photo of it.
4. A valley full of penis rocks in Turkey. It’s aptly named “Love Valley”
I’m not afraid of having to suture my own wounds after being mauled by a bear and attacked by pipe-wielding Mongolians. Instead, I’m worried I’m going to miss something amazing because I don’t know enough. Now that is stressful.
Please, please, tell me what I shouldn’t miss.